Jen Bingham

Writer

Month: September 2014

Your Sunday Comic

This is one of the best/worst things.

From Happy Jar

From Happy Jar

Your Sunday Comic

I know I’ve talked to you about Achewood. Have I talked to you about Philippe? Pull up a chair, stranger, because we have a lot to talk about.

Actually not all that much now that you’ve sat down, sorry. Basically Philippe is an otter/young kid in the Achewood universe. His haunting innocence interacts to humorous and poignant effect when contrasted with the various sad sack, corrupt, and brutal stuffed animals and real live cats he lives with and around.

Also, all of them love him in their own weird ways. I hope.

Because I love Philippe. Here he is. With Lyle.

From Achewood

From Achewood

 

How to Prevent a Sinus Infection When You’re Feeling Poorly

I don’t want to brag, but I have had a lot of sinus infections. So many, in fact, that sometimes my friends ask for advice when they have or think they have a sinus infection. This post is for you, friends.

By the way, I have a sinus infection right now! I am writing this from my sickbed (actually a sickcouch) to give the 411 on sinus problems: How to head them off if you feel sick, how to know you need to go to the doctor, plus some FAQs.

What are the symptoms that your sinuses are poorly?

  • Just do a google search, I don’t have anything interesting to add except for the fact that sometimes you can think you have a toothache, but it is actually a sinus infection.
  • I have heard that some people can die from sinus infections because their brains get infected!

If you follow this advice, you may still get a sinus infection!

  • Take Mucinex, just the regular kind in a blue box. It is expensive, but worth it. There no longer seems to be a generic option.
  • Take some of them red pills you get from behind the counter that you have to sign for. Do NOT use them to make meth. (They are called pseudofed and you can get the store brand.)
  • Take some sort of swelling reducer pill. I take aspirin because I have bad guts.
  • If you have allergies or lots of sinus probs, Flonase, a prescription nose spray, can help. It comes in a generic version to save $.
  • Drink lots of liquid to loosen crusted snot inside your sinuses.
  • Eat hell-broth soup: Chicken stock, chicken, ginger, garlic, cayenne pepper, onions, crushed red pepper. It is an actual fact that chicken soup helps you feel better when you are sick. Spices are also helpful. There is something to do with science on both of these statements, you can google it.
  • Showers or other steam producing things.
  • Hot tea.
  • Neti pot.
  • Avoid dairy.
  • Physical activity — moderate. Walking or yoga. Maybe a short run.
  • Face massages like this.

As you can sea, a lot of liquid goes into preventing a sinus infection, so I hope you don’t live in a desert!

And a lot of medicines too! You may be asking yourself, “Why not just go get some antibiotics?” The answer: antibiotics, while a boon to humanity, are overused and adversely affect your microbiome. They are the bugs that live inside of you and are nice. More and more of them fancy scientists are saying that we are dumb about microbiomes and that the bugs that are nice do all kinds of crazy beneficial shit. Try not to kill them!

How do you tell when it’s time to go to the doctor?

You don’t necessarily need to go to the doctor. Most sinus infections are viral and will go away with preceding treatment and time. Even when green stuff starts coming out of your nose, you can often just chill and follow the preceding advice and it will go away on its own. However, if you have a bacterial infection or are a chronic sickie, here are the signs you need to make an appointment.

  • Green stuff stops coming out of your nose, but you have a lot of pain in your sinuses, which means some sinuses is plugged up.
  • Tired, confused.
  • Face or head pain intensifies.
  • Very, very angry. You are enraged by old ladies in walkers who smile at you. (This only works if you are not normally an asshole.)
  • Dizzy.
  • You don’t want to talk to people, even people you really like.

ONE VERY IMPORTANT THING: WHEN YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR, DO NOT LET HER GIVE YOU A Z-PAK. THEY ARE STUPID AND DON’T WORK AND ARE DESTROYING THE WORLD.

Just because it starts with a “z” and spells “pak” in a cool way, doesn’t mean it works.

If you are a real sinus infection pro, like me, you may find that a short course of prednisone can help you get better as it reduces swelling.

FAQs

Why do people have sinuses?

No one knows the answer to this question.

That doesn’t sound right.

That’s not a question.

How are you qualified to give sinus advice?

I’ve been a fully qualified sinus infection practitioner since seventh grade. I  have had dozens of sinus infections since that time and in the intervening years did many damaging things to my respiratory system. Five or six years ago, I had sinus surgery. Since then, I have been able to cut back on the quantity of sinus infections. I spend a sizable amount of my time fighting off sinus attacks and am successful most of the time. I have recently given up dairy.

But do you have a degree in sinusology?

There is no such degree.

This FAQ is weird.

Right?

 

 

Muppets in Space Collectible Glass Almost Plunges to Its Death

For the second time within a week, I straight-up, no-joke knocked over the Fozzy Bear Muppets in Space Collectible Jelly Glass that sits next to the handsoap and it sailed toward the bathroom floor. Sometimes, you drop something and it’s a hard fall. And if that thing is made of glass, you can’t help but feel it’s not going to survive. That you are going to hear some shattering. That you are going to have to get back out of the shower and pick up glass.  That your Fozzy Bear glass is no more.

And the clear thought that went through my head?

Now what am I gonna do?”

Taken from some person's eBay listing

Can I live without this glass? 

And then it hit the floor and bounced and came up whole.

“Those things are tough,”  I thought.

Even though that was the sum total of the emotional impact (haha, getit?) this event had on me, that emphasis on “Now” in the “Now what am I gonna do?” is unsettling.

What am I gonna do now? Now being the world that would exist had my Fozzy Bear glass broken on impact.

Really, just go on with my life. I could survive the breaking of a Fozzy Bear Collectible Jelly Glass, couldn’t I?

Couldn’t I?

Let’s not even think about whether there’s an alternate universe where this actually came to pass.

I’m sure I’m just fine in that world. Just , , ,  totally , , , fine.

Your Sunday Comic

Here’s your Google results Sunday comic from xkcd.

second page

From xkcd

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